Balancing Act

Over this past week, I changed the way I use my time to allow more time for studying, skipped my weekly Dungeons & Dragons game for a weekend study group, and worked 12 hour shifts on the days I didn't have school. I found the time to do this stuff and still eat reasonably well, which has been a problem for me in the past, and as my previous post documents, I felt some pressure and stress. I'm looking at the next few months and see no sign of the pressure decreasing, and at this point I'm used to the concept enough that I'm no longer freaking out. As I began to pat myself on the back about this grown-up approach to the future, I suddenly became appalled and recoiled from the thought in horror - I was congratulating myself on forgetting what it was like to be free. I'm certainly not the first person to document this horrible dilemma, but I don't think it's ever occurred to me quite so starkly as it did tonight that "getting better" at the skills life will demand from me as a worker, a spouse, and a parent will largely consist of "getting worse" at the things that differentiate childhood from later life, and from the responsibilities of being a worker, a spouse, and a parent.